C’mon by Low LP

The Creek Drank the Cradle by Iron  and Wine LP

Diary by Sunny Day Real Estate 2xLP

Earth Division by Mogwai 12″

Fleet Foxes by Fleet Foxes LP

Green River by Creedence Clearwater Revival CD

Nouns by No Age LP

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy by Kanye West CD

Plastic Beach by Gorillaz LP

Sun Giant by Fleet Foxes CD

Within and Without by Washed Out LP

PART ONE by Evie Opp
1) Hit Me Baby One More Time – breakout single, mouseketeer-no-more, potentially advocating abusive relationships

2) The slow jam with people on the beach (but mostly in a tree) – no one really remembers the lyrics, but damn she looked good looking through those binoculars on the pier

3) The one where she is a waitress in a diner, she’s got floppy pigtails and then rips her clothes off to party – another nameless classic/Pepsi ad

4) Crazy – Who can forget that red jumpsuit from another planet? Britney wanted to show the world that she was all grown-up and her sexuality was out of this world. What does any of this have to do with outer space? More-so, I think she wanted to warn the world that she is legitimately crazy. Way to beat Gaga to the punch.

5) Lucky- Sad slow jam, potentially autobiographical, explaining the negative and lonely aspects of life in the spotlight. Wah-wah.

6) Sparkly Madonna-ish chair dance (also something about a car) – We get it, we get it. Everyone LOVES Madonna and wants to model their careers after hers. Brit missed the boat a long time ago.

7) Slave 4 U – Hot, sweaty orgy in an opium den. Very J-Lo.  Still drilling the sexiness into our brains.

*One week long marriage to a high school sweetheart. No body cares. If you want to sell records, you’ve got to be more of a train wreck.  Kfed is more your style.*

8) Toxic – Poison Ivy-ish spy/secret agent poisons lovers with a kiss. Getting chubby, it’s time to start spitting out kids, drop off the charts, explode the tabloids and inadvertently convince little sis to do the same.

*Much time elapses, she’s fat, she loses custody of her children, Kfed takes all of her money, time for a comeback*

9) Skinny comeback – she’s been working out, shaving things, and flashing that vag. Time for a new album. No one remembers this video in detail, just that it happened. Something about dude cheating on her with her alter-ego? It doesn’t matter all you need to know is that she’s getting REALLY good at playing every female role in all of her vids.

10) Hold It Against Me – video ironically making fun of her own career (past vids playing in the background–we don’t hold them against you, Brit).  Did Ke$ha help write this song? Are you bffs, now? Pop princesses uniting by doing the exact same thing and ganging up against Gaga.

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PART TWO by Nick Rennis

Actual history. Let’s see how accurate we were.

1) “Baby One More Time” Duh. We were just more elaborate with the title.

2) “Sometimes” That’s the name of it. Slow jam. Slow mo.

3) “Crazy” Looks like we combined two or more into one. But we were right with the chronology.

4) “Born To Make You Happy” Futuristic room? What is this? She looks like Faith Hill?

5) “From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart” We’re still just on her debut album here, people. Milkin’ it. Another slow jam. She’s wearing normal people clothes.

6) “Oops… I Did It Again” THIS is the one with the red jumpsuit. Finally on to her second album. (I’ve always found her Herman Munster shoes disturbing and VERY unsexy, though.)

7) “Lucky” We’re still chronologically correct, we just forgot a lot of stuff. Didn’t forget this one. Emo.

8) “Stronger” SPARKLY CHAIR VIDEO. FORD MUSTANG IN A THUNDERSTORM. Totally nailed it.

9) “Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know” Side-boob beach slow jam deux.

10) “I’m A Slave 4 U” Again, chronologically ON IT. This is why we run a record store, people.

11) “Overprotected” This one has TWO DIFFERENT MUSIC VIDEOS. Nobody ever saw either of them.

12) “I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman” Crossroads. Purple mountain majesty. God. Bullshit.

13) “I Love Rock N’ Roll” COVER. We’re not including this.

14) “Boys” Apparently from the Goldmember soundtrack. This is a weird moment in the career.

15) “Me Against The Music” Another new album. Madonna decides it is a good career move to get a divorce and make out with Britney in a music video. Nobody cares.

16) “Toxic” We are still chronologically correct. Diamonds.

17) “Everytime” Another forgotten one in which there seems to be a direct correlation between Jesus (Christ) and Britney (Spears).

18) “My Prerogative” Lead single (cover) of yet another album. Did I mention that the lead single is a cover? Bummer.

19) “Do Somethin’” In which her and her friends all try to get laid at Buffalo Wild Wings.

20) “Gimme More” Lead single from ANOTHER FUCKING ALBUM. She dyes her hair black and begins pole dancing.

21) “Piece Of Me” Another single with two different videos. We don’t remember this one either, but she almost certainly does that weird heart-thumping hands-criss-crossed dance move.

22) “Womanizer” Just forgot the name of the comeback. Steamy sauna side-boob scenes.

23) “Circus” The one at the circus. Remember “Lucky”? Do that again.

24) “If U Seek Amy” Okay… the comeback clearly isn’t going as planned. She’s doing the AOL Instant Messenger abbreviations again.

25) “Radar” Let’s go high-brow. This is probably around the time when the Beckham’s were moving to the U.S.?

26) “3″ Let’s be Beyonce. Also, there are 4 dancers in this video. Not 3. 5 total people. Still not 3.

27) “Hold It Against Me” We’re up-to-date with this album. Huge phallic dress. Sperm dancers within.

28) “Till The World Ends” Lots of lens flare. More “I’m A Slave 4 U” hype.

29) “I Wanna Go” Crossroads 2. We’re definitely out of the realm of our knowledge at this point.

30) “Criminal” New BF. Let’s kiss on film. Also, THIRTY SINGLES? Give up.

This works out to exactly triple our list… but strictly speaking, we weren’t wrong about anything.

What’s next for this jack of all trades? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. One thing is for sure, she isn’t finished yet. But we are. We’re going back to work now. Also, we don’t carry any of this music in the store. Sorry.

2. Hell Below by East Of Underground

3. Leh Jani by Omar Souleyman

4. III by The Budos Band

5. Treats by Sleigh Bells

6. Dropped Pianos by Tim Hecker

7. I Wanna Go Home by Shannon & The Clams

8. Escape by Moon Duo

9. Arabia Mountain by Black Lips

10. Strictly Whatever by Harry Manx

Carlton Melton / Bardo Pond by Bardo Pond / Carlton Melton LP

Everything You Always… by Sea Lions LP

Leh Jani by Omar Souleyman 2XLP

Sacred & Profane Love by Maria Minerva 12″

Selected Ambient Works 85-92 by Aphex Twin CD

Stoned Rehearsal by Garbage And The Flowers LP

Tide by Mikal Cronin 7″

Wolfroy Goes To Town by Bonnie Prince Billy LP

2. Super Friends DVD

3. The Wonder Show Of The World by Bonnie “Prince” Billy

4. Feels Like The First Time by Foreigner

5. Danny’s Best by Danny O’Keefe

6. Hardcore Will Never Die, But You Will by Mogwai

7. Apple O by Deerhoof

8. A Brief History Of Love by The Big Pink

9. Ceremonials by Florence And The Machine

10. Sleepless by Kate Rusby

Breadhead by Sic Alps 7″

Crystal Castles by Crystal Castles CD

Gorilla Manor by Local Natives LP

I Wanna Go Home by Shannon And The Clams LP

The King Of Limbs by Radiohead LP

The Lady Killer by Cee Lo Green CD

Lately by Cough Cool LP

Leh Jani by Omar Souleyman 2XLP

Neverendless by CAVE LP

Ron Pistos Real World by Fungus Brains LP

2. Vinyl Bowls by Evie Opp

3. Burke & Hare DVD

4. Wolfroy Goes To Town by Bonnie Prince Billy

5. Black Grass by Little Wings

6. Bon Iver by Bon Iver

7. Ghost Blonde by No Joy

8. Europe ’72 by Grateful Dead

9. Metals by Feist

10. Close To Home by Roscoe Holcomb

Creatures Of An Hour by Still Corners LP

Everything All The Time by Band Of Horses LP

Flight Of The Conchords by Flight Of The Conchords LP

Helplessness Blues by Fleet Foxes 2XLP

The Pearl by The Sandwitches 7″

Skyward In Triumph by GodheadSilo CD

Within And Without by Washed Out LP

2. The Business gift certificates

3. Bon Iver by Bon Iver

4. Dawn by Mount Eerie

5. Gloss Drop by Battles

6. Brazilian Guitar Fuzz Bananas by Various Artists

7. Farm by Dinosaur Jr.

8.The Ghost That Carried Us Away by Seabear

9. Reality by Real Estate

10. Your Future, Our Clutter by The Fall

Back From… by Kourosh 3LP

Dropped Pianos by Tim Hecker LP

Morning & Sunrise by Jakob Olausson LP

Police Helicopter by Black Bug 7″

Smells Like Metal by Nothing People LP

Total Control / Thee Oh Sees by Thee Oh Sees LP

Wolfroy Goes To Town by Bonnie Prince Billy LP